Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Josh's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Sunday, June 22nd, 2008
12:02 pm	It's been nice Getting out of here, going out and doing things every day. The past week has been eventful. Ferry ride, Mt Rainier, D&D and whatever else. I'm home for a couple days and then I need to go pick Dave up when he returns from the airport. So I'm gonna pack up some of my junk and start getting ready to leave then probably vanish again when Dave gets back. Oh and also, due to the fact that the army didn't pay me for some reason, I don't have the money to pay for my phone and thus can't use it. If you've tried to get in touch with me and couldn't, that's why. About 20 days till I'm gone. (Comment on this)
Friday, May 30th, 2008
12:21 pm	No. Anyone that talks to me about it knows I've sorta teetered back and forth between "No way I'll reenlist" to "Eh, I might" type of deal. Well here we are, the answer? Most definitely not. I mean, I liked being in the army for the most part, it taught me a lot and I feel like overall I'm a better person. On the other hand? It has messed up a million chances for me to do something. No more. I'm kicking myself because of the things I've missed out on because of the army. Now now, sure it's like any job, and I'm not really complaining because of missing the odd party here or there. But they're taking me away from everyone I know for over a year. A YEAR without seeing the people that make me sane. Sure I'll be in contact, and I'll make it through, but I'm not gonna be able to do it again, and the only way to knock any chance of that off is to just get out when I have the chance. I could compose a list of everyone that means a lot to me, and the majority of that list has already voiced how much they'd prefer I didn't go. It's just as hard on me, though I don't show it. I'm mostly posting this so when the day comes where they ask "So?" I can refer to it and remember that it is time to get out, to get away from it. 42 days, my friends. That's it. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 19th, 2008
7:49 pm	You know that feeling when you know something is a bad idea, but you do it anyway for whatever reason? Yeah, I'm kinda leaning towards that. On one hand, it might not be so bad, on the other? I've been trying to "find a way out" for awhile now with no luck. And man, does it suck to be grasping for a ledge that isn't there. I guess I still have awhile to really decide, but how the hell do I ever know what I want anyway? And now that I think about it, I feel really shitty for the things I've done recently. Really shitty. I've pushed people, I've treated them poorly, I've become something I never should of. All for what? Telling myself that I'm free to do whatever? Hell, all I've managed to do is to turn myself into exactly what I was so against in the first place. I guess I was in such a rush to be able to do my own thing I didn't really stop and look at it from another perspective. And I stepped all over people. If anyone else did what I did I'd probably take them aside and say "What the fuck?" but it is impossible to see your own shortcomings. I'll take whatever karmic retribution I have coming, because, really, I have it coming. I've behaved poorly, and when I shook my head at someone who did the exact same thing I did I couldn't help but realize it. I plan on changing everything when I get back, I need to find a way to move on and that's the best way. I also don't really mean to sound sappy or depressive or whatever, I'm fine, I'm just kinda yelling at myself a little. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
5:04 pm	Good news, according to the roster I will be doing my job, which means behind the wire and not in a lot of danger. I mean there'll still be some, I'm sure, but I wont be out riding around in vehicles and such and going on missions. 53 days remaining. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 3rd, 2008
10:10 am	Sleep deprivation + pennies = More to come as I get more pennies. Bwahaha. (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 27th, 2008
11:47 pm	It's strangely sobering to find out someone you knew died. Even if you didn't know them well. Just that you had met them at one point in your life and now you'll never see them again. Life ends too soon for too many. Anyway, just wanted to put down some thoughts. (75 days remaining) (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 24th, 2008
3:08 pm	Sometimes I wish there was a way to speed things up. To reach tomorrow that much faster. Or maybe even not just tomorrow, maybe next week, or next month, or hell, next year. Yeah, that's what I want to see. I'm tired of the here and now. I'm stuck doing what little I can, but once I get back from Iraq? It'll all be fair game. I'll have the chance to really start working towards what I want. When I get back everything will be different. Everything. Or at least that's what I've decided. I don't even see things the same right now. All I can look forward to is next year when I get back. The chances I'll have waiting for me. Hell, I'll basically have life taken care of for me at that point. Good deal? I think so. But these last few months have been rough on me. It has been nothing but messing things up, oh trust me I wish I could of done things differently. And these next couple months before I go are just gonna be tougher. For anyone not keeping track, 78 days. (Comment on this)
Friday, April 11th, 2008
5:31 pm	It's neat. Tomorrow we're having a big party, with all the people I know. And why? Because I said so. I literally said "Hey, let's have a party saturday" and everyone started putting it together. I'm sure part of it is because they'll take any excuse they can find to drink, but I'm honestly amazed. A large portion of the people that will be there will be people that mean the most to me. Aside from a few people I wish could be there, it's basically exactly how I'd want it. These are the people that have made a difference in my life. These are the people I want to know throughout life. These are my friends, and they're the ones I'm proud to call that. I guess sometimes you forget what friendship is, sometimes you forget who means what to you. But I'm getting the hint now. For a while I had lost sight of things, and now I see it again. If you'd consider yourself a close friend of mine: Thank you, it's people like you that keep me going. It's people like you that I will always be there for. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 10th, 2008
6:55 pm	123 days. When put into terms of time my deployment has just been like "oh, later in the year, it's awhile from now." Well, we got more information. August 18th. That's the "expect to go" day. Now, that's 160 days out, but I leave July 12th till August 10th (which gives me A week after July 12th) so I'm just counting till July 12th. 123 days, that's how long I have to take care of everything I need to. Including seeing everyone I need to see. It really doesn't seem like long enough. (Comment on this)
Monday, March 3rd, 2008
5:58 am	Whoaaa So I mostly just use this to stalk people anymore...kidding! I guess I should post something in case anyone was wondering. Life is great. At this exact moment I can't complain. A LOT has happened in the past couple months, some of it I'll talk about, other things...I can't. Its all kind of a blur anymore, I guess all of December is really the biggest deal to me, but I've let go. So where do I stand now? Well, I'm not going to school at the moment...I lost the motivation since I wont be able to finish before I deploy anyway. Oh wait, what's this? I'm deploying, yes, to Iraq, in August. I found out a few months ago, and I'm still adjusting to the idea. Honestly, I think I'm ok with it. I'll go, I'll come back. There's no doubt in my mind. I'll come back and resume school, because I'm just putting it on hold. I still plan to make something of my life. I've gotta find a new job next month, because as of, most likely, the 15th I'll be done working with Kevin, and I don't really feel like taking up another client. I can't really believe I've worked with him for a year and a half...its kinda amazing how things have worked out. Sakuracon is the end of the month, I'm going. You should too. I mean it. I'm really not sure what else you might wanna know, so I'll stop this here. Hope everyone else is doing well. Current Mood: relaxed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 12th, 2007
9:09 am	Been awhile hasn't it? To be honest life is mostly uneventful. I don't mean that in a generic sense, I really do mean nothing has really changed in the past few months. I'm still with Andrea, and I think the lack of change can easily be seen in that relationship. I don't really feel that it is really moving forward, and I'm going to talk to her about that. I already complained about how I am lucky to even see her once a week when its not like she lives very far away. She seems to be making an effort to fix that, better time management she calls it. She does make me happy, there's no doubt about that. And I do care about her, but I'm not sure she entirely grasps the idea. I just don't like having to be the one that brings up everything. I mean we've been together what, 5 months or so now? And it just doesn't feel like its changed much from day one to now. Or at least hasn't made any natural progression that relationships usually take. I guess I can't really complain, she shows that she cares in her own way, its just tough to realize sometimes. Oh well, time for class. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 7th, 2007
11:37 am	...ok, so I don't post here much, probably because life is the same as it always is. However, the last few days, for anyone that interacts with me on a regular basis, have been well, off. Its been awhile since I've felt so freaking stressed out about shit, and now that so many things are looming that I don't have the time, nor the money, to take care of, I can't find any decent way to get out of it. Mind you, its not that I don't want to fix the 3 major things that cost money/time to fix, its that I really can't find any way of getting around this. So what does this come down to? Being fucked. Alright, so now that that's out there, there are a few things that I consider to be decent enough going on for me: For one, my school stuff is mostly taken care of and the remainder is not outside my control. I've been dating this girl named Andi, she's pretty awesome. I'm not nearly as far in debt as I used to be, though there's still a few things to be taken care of. I've still got a job, I've had to buy a new car but its not bad at all. So whereas life is still crumbling around me, there are a few things keeping me up and out of completely breaking down, which is a good thing. I'm just a bit stressed so I might not be nearly as amusing as I usually am. I apologize for this, but yeah, give me a week or so, I'll cheer up. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007
11:09 pm	Ugh AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH Sorry, I just wanted to let that out. I'm pretty much pissed off right now. How's everyone else doing? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 29th, 2007
2:43 pm	New apartment Already moved in, its quite nice, I like it, I've got the master which means my own bathroom which means awesome. We JUST got internet set up for here, yes! Now I work tonight and have drill tomorrow :( Oh well. (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 24th, 2007
4:47 pm	SakuraCon So SakuraCon is coming up, I've been talked into going, though that wasn't hard. More or less I'm planning everything out, working on the hotel bits but yeah, I'm definitely going at the very least. I'm plummeting into a place of nerddom I had yet to come to, but eh, its not all bad. It should be a blast there anyhow. That and its like these next few weeks should be the last of the busy ones, so after SakuraCon everything should calm down, not to mention that's the deadline for something else I've been waiting on. I mean, I move next week, then drill that weekend (I'm limited to two days to move my stuff from my old apartment to my new) and then a week of whatever, and then SakuraCon. After that nothing is planned, and I think I like it that way. (Comment on this)
Friday, March 16th, 2007
11:24 am	Is it wrong to have stepped on so many toes? Is it wrong to not care? Hah, the past 24 hours have been nonstop, with enough drama to make anyone's head spin. I came out on top, and though it has left me with a bitter taste in my mouth, I really think all the shit that has happened recently was probably bound to happen, so I don't feel so bad. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
1:08 am	So I post that and then Amber decides to talk to me, haha, we talked for a good hour, I'm glad we can still be cool with each other.... (Comment on this)
Monday, March 12th, 2007
8:28 pm	Ah, lj...I only post here every so often, but hey, why not now? So here's where I sit in life: I'm not currently enrolled in classes...now this doesn't mean I wont be, there were just some issues that are still waiting to be resolved My current car is totalled, waiting on some stuff from that. I'm still doing the military thing and I signed up to go to Egypt for a month (october), that should be fun. I'm moving on the 27th, not too far, and still in Federal Way... My mom/stepdad/sister are all gonna be in a place in Vegas, so nearby family is pretty much nill. As far as relations and all that go: Well, I guess I'm over Amber completely now, it just doesn't phase me anymore, but eh, perhaps things are better this way... I've been keeping options open of course, and as such, will probably go see a movie with someone this week Life is good, and has calmed down a bit, here's hoping there's not too many surprises the next couple of weeks eh? Anyhow, guess I'll post eventually, but for now I'm off to find something to do... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 7th, 2007
12:09 pm	So... I apologized to Amber today...I've been nothing but an ass to her lately and I felt terrible...sure I understand that there's really no chance of fixing anything, but at least I can feel better now. The worst part is I don't even fully understand why I acted the way I did...particularly to the one that has meant the most to me. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 19th, 2007
8:04 am	From bad to worse eh? It's already there. Debt. That's a word nobody likes, it's like the kid who's entertaining enough but you never actually wanna be seen around for some reason or another. Like it's a good idea until after it happens. I wont go into numbers, because frankly, I'd rather not have people know my EXACT state of affairs. But it can all be summed up like this: I'm. Fucked. Yeah, once I pay off the tow company, unless I get a large sum of the "storage" fees back, that's a whole load of money down the drain. So then the whole old cell phone thing, since they decided "hmm, he hasn't had his phone, but we'll make him pay anyhow" and I didn't, they've cancelled the phone (so yeah, just use my new one from now on), and the final bill is quite outstanding. Note that at this point my bills are already outside my cash range by more than double. I owe the school some money, quite a bit in fact, since something or another didn't work how I expected. But here's the deal, EVERY time I have ANY money in order to take care of everything, a million worse things happen. I get a big lump sum of money, my car breaks and has to get repaired for basically whatever I had left of it. I earn more than $500 in two weeks, I get tboned in an intersection and then my car gets impounded because though I was told it could remain there until it was towed, it was gone the very next morning. As far as I'm concerned, I don't care if you've got a couple hundred dollars of debt and no job, most of the devry kids around here are still living through their parents despite being away from home. I think that pisses me off because NONE of them have any sense of responsibility....fuck, I barely have a sense of it but it's punching me in the face, each day a little harder. I can feel my brain matter seeping out, already. So this is that part in life, you know that part where no matter what you've learned how how you've dealt with anything in the past, EVERYTHING must go wrong. (I'd love for you to point out ONE thing going right right now, I'd like to have ONE thing to smile about. And trust me, I don't talk about a lot of stuff so I bet I could come up with a reason anything anyone could bring up has gone completely wrong) Now now, I'm not some emo kid or something, so if you even attempt the thought I will most likely murder you, I have REAL problems, not some pussy shit to whine about. But overall life is upsetting. (I think that's enough for now, though there ARE things I could go on about, those are more my fault, and contribute to the overall problem) (Comment on this)